


You'll always be safe with me

by Padawan_Writer



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Arachnophobia, Cameos of all the characters, Fluff, Janus and Patton are brothers, Light Angst, M/M, Only from Remus of course, Protective Logic | Logan Sanders, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Slice of Life, Swearing/Insults
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27540790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Padawan_Writer/pseuds/Padawan_Writer
Summary: Patton and Logan live in apartments right opposite each other, which means that when there’s a fight or a scary thunderstorm, strong heroic Logan is the first person Patton calls. But as Patton breaks through Logan’s facades of chilly confidence, he discovers needs and fears that are harder to soothe than astraphobia.Or:PATTON’S FEAR OF THUNDERSTORMS PROMPTS A SLEEPOVER WITH NEIGHBOUR LOGAN, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL WARM YOUR HEART
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 63
Kudos: 98





	1. Don’t be scared, I’ve got you

It was the shouting that aroused Logan from the depths of his laptop that Saturday afternoon. Two men were yelling in the hall outside his apartment. 

“I’m telling you, this is gonna make us more popular than the Dolan Twins! But no no no you just won’t—“

“You can’t just strip on YouTube! This isn’t what we agreed to!”

Logan lay on the couch as quietly as he could, hoping they would just go away. The conflict was grating him.

A third voice was added to the mix which Logan recognised as his neighbour right across the hall. “Guys! Kiddos! Please—“ Logan listened in slow-rising anger as the first two voices turned on his neighbour and yelled at him to shut his condescending mouth hole and many more creative insults.

When they went and insulted his cardigan, that was it. No one should get away with insulting the person who had a track record of smiling like the sun had just come out at Logan every single time he emerged for work in the morning. Logan snapped his computer shut and went to the front door.

Outside, his neighbour from down the hall and a man who could only be his twin were switching between glowering at each other and glowering at his neighbour from across. Logan had never thought it important to learn their names until this moment. The twins were doing some kind of Disney cosplay, which would have made a comic effect if they weren’t being so obnoxious.

_You own this, Logan. You’re confident. Time to shine for sweet-neighbour-from-across._

Logan adjusted his glasses and folded his arms. “What is the meaning of this altercation?” 

_Shit you sound like such a nerd. Well that’s because I am a nerd and an adult and I can use any vocabulary I want thank you very much._

“He’s being such a Dad! And he’s not! Not our Dad! Bet he’s a fucking virgin, that’s what he is!” Said the moustached twin petulantly.

 _“Remus!”_ hissed his twin in embarrassment.

Sweet-neighbour-from-across hunched deeper into himself and turned away.

“That particular description seems contradictory in terms to me. Don’t you think you’re behaving rather immaturely? Please go home and stop bothering my neighbour.”

At this chance escape, the Disney Prince twin, who had been shuffling his feet like a guilty kid, grabbed his brother by the wrist and practically dragged him back to his own apartment.

Logan was wondering how to start a conversation when his neighbour thankfully turned and started it for him.

“Hi I’m Patton! What’s your name?” He asked with that big bright smile. Logan wondered if it was genuine after the events of the last few moments, but he couldn’t tell.

“Uh, Logan, I’m Logan.” Well that was easier than he had imagined. He offered his hand, and the two shook for just a beat too long. Or maybe Logan imagined that. “Who are those guys?” He nodded in the direction of the twins’ apartment.

“Roman and Remus. Remus isn’t very nice.”

Logan nodded awkwardly and wondered whether it would be appropriate to invite Patton in. Would they go back to being near-strangers?

“Hey, do you wanna come in for a cookie? I just baked some.” Patton said.

“Are you sure?”

“No, I’m Patton!” Patton grinned. “Just kidding, bad joke. You’re welcome. Otherwise I’ll have to eat them all myself and be a fatty Patty!”

“That would be inadvisable,” Logan smiled.

Stepping into Patton’s apartment was like stepping in to a big warm hug. The lighting was mainly from the warm fairy lights that were strung up everywhere, a heavenly smell of freshly baked cookies permeated the place, and the drapes and cushions that covered every room gave it a cosy feel. Logan felt thoroughly welcomed as he followed Patton into the kitchen.

Patton popped the kettle on and arranged some of the cookies from the cooling rack on a plate. They were even decorated with colourful smarties. He caught Logan smiling at them. “What? The world always needs more rainbows!”

Logan glanced up and adjusted his glasses. “Oh I agree. I love rainbows.”

Patton did finger guns at him. “And I take great _pride_ in my rainbow cookies!”

Logan racked his brains for a pun. “I too consider myself to be something of a _demi_ god of homo, er, home cooking.”

Patton beamed. “I’m not bad among the pots and _pans_ myself. Here, try one!”

Logan sipped the coffee and helped himself to a cookie. It was divine. Vanilla and chocolate and cinnamon all melded together in warm sweetness. Logan rarely baked and had forgotten the delights of home baked goodies. He glanced up to see Patton watching him expectantly and said as much to him.

Patton beamed and tucked into one himself. “So what do you do for a living?”

“I teach physics at a secondary. I’m a huge science nerd. I’m actually head of the department,” Logan said. “What about you?”

“I work in a child daycare with all the little kids!” Patton enthused. Well that certainly explained a lot about Dad-vibes he was giving off, even to the cardigan tied around his shoulders. “Science sounds cool! Hey, I know a science joke. Why can’t you take atoms seriously?”

“But you should take atoms seriously, they’re the building blocks that make up—oh.”

“That’s right! They make up everything!” Patton laughed and Logan mock face-palmed. “Oh oh wait I have another one. Do you wanna hear a joke about sodium hydride?”

Logan’s lips twitched. “NaH.”

Patton clapped and burst out laughing. “See? You’re a pro behind that serious facade!”

“I have a serious facade?” Logan supposed he wasn’t as prone as Patton to showing anything except his rather chilly, confident side to the world. “Well I guess I do.”

“Well it definitely came in useful this afternoon. Thanks for saving me back there. You’re a hero!” Patton said sincerely.

Logan’s face broke into a real smile. “It’s nothing. Anytime. If you ever need anything or want to hang out, you can just knock on my door, you know?”

“Aww, thank you!” 

The pair chatted away the rest of the afternoon. When Logan finally returned home, his apartment seemed drab in a way he hadn’t noticed before. Dissatisfied, he went to the storage room and grabbed the framed astronomy chart he’d stashed there when he moved in, and hung it up in the living room. He made a mental note to run up to Ikea to get some new rugs and cushions on Monday.

For the next couple of weeks they had no more contact than cheerfully greeting each other as they left for work in the mornings. 

And then came the night of the thunderstorm.

Logan loved wild weather. It was an evening in and he put on his onesie and his favourite movie. But after the third or fourth thunderclap there was a soft knocking at his door.

Logan considered quickly changing out of his onesie to get it, and then decided he couldn’t be bothered and that if the person outside had any objection to seeing him in a unicorn onesie, they could just deal with it.

He wrenched open the door. Patton stood on the mat.

For a moment neither of them said anything, just stared in surprise at each other. Then another round of thunder came, louder than before, and Patton visibly winced. “Could I maybe… do you think… maybe spend the evening with you, Logan?” He asked timidly.

Logan felt a rush of protectiveness. “Of _course,_ Patton! You’re absolutely most welcome! Come in!” He exclaimed.

Relief washed over Patton’s face. “Oh thank you! Thank you so much! Wait, let me just run and grab my onesie.”

Logan left the door open and zoomed the film back to the beginning—he was only ten minutes in—as Patton ran back into his own apartment. Patton came in just as Logan put a jug of milk in the microwave for hot cocoa. “Logan! Your flat is so cosy!”

“Thanks, some stuff is new actually. Do you like the rug? I find it especially pleasing.” The rug was cream with a design of the golden ratio and spiral embroidered in gold.

Logan came in to the living room with two steaming mugs of hot cocoa and toast and Crofter’s to find Patton curled up on one end of the only couch in a soft grey cat onesie. “So—do you want to chat, or watch the film, or both?”

“Oh let’s watch, please.”

Logan nodded. “It’ll take your mind off the storm. Distraction is a good technique.”

“What film is it?” Patton asked, taking the cocoa gratefully.

“Inception. It’s one of my favourites. Action and lots of really intricate layers. Have you seen it before?”

Patton shook his head. Logan smiled and started the film.

They didn’t talk much through the first half of the film. Logan, who had seen it a hundred times before, watched Patton more than the film, happy to see that the other man was relaxing as he forgot the storm by focusing on the film. Logan had turned the volume up louder than usual specifically to drown out the sound of the thunder as much as possible for Patton. He looked at him in his cat onesie and wondered if he should factor in more time with Patton into his future plans.

About halfway through, Patton turned to him. “Logan—I’m afraid I’ve completely lost the plot.”

“Do you want me to explain it to you?”

“Yes please.”

Logan paused the film. “Well, this team is using some unspecified technology to share lucid dreams with each other and unsuspecting subjects in order to steal ideas and information from the subject’s mind. In this job they’ve been offered, however, they have to _plant_ an idea in the subject’s mind instead of taking one.” Logan checked to see if Patton had lost interest yet.

“Yes, go on?” Patton said.

Logan was stupidly overjoyed. Nobody had ever listened willingly to more than five seconds of one of his explanations if they could help it. He carried on explaining the plot clearly but passionately, checking constantly that Patton was still interested. Patton listened, even asking questions. Logan had never been able before to talk about his passions at such lengths without feeling like a nerdy bore, and it was a good.

After ten solid minutes of explaining, Patton felt he understood enough to carry on watching, so they pressed play.

As the movie went on, Patton slid down more and more horizontal on the couch, with his head towards the middle. By the end of the film he was dozing with his head resting on Logan’s thigh. Tentatively, Logan rested his hand on Patton’s shoulder. The cat onesie was soft, and it was good, not being alone.

Logan had always had it covered. He liked living alone; he was enough for himself. He hadn’t considered how much better it might be to have someone to share it with. A buddy to go together through life with. Not necessarily Patton, but... someone. But then again, no one would want to live with a boring nerd like him. Not many people in the world found quantum physics as fascinating as he did.

They sat together like that for a while longer, Logan hardly daring to breathe in case he broke the spell of their contact.

Eventually Patton murmured, without stirring, “Did the movie finish already?”

“Yes.”

“Did it have a happy ending?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good, I like happy endings,” Patton yawned. “Did the thunderstorm go away?”

“It’s still raining but no more thunder and lightning,” Logan said.

“I suppose I should go home,” Patton said reluctantly, still not moving.

“Well—you can stay the night here if you want?” Logan offered. “In case there’s another storm. I could make up the couch bed?”

Patton lifted his head to look at him and Logan snatched his hand away, hoping he hadn’t been too forward. “Are you sure? You’re a sweetheart!”

The couch folded out to make a double bed, which Logan had bought for his parents to use when they came to stay. He quickly set it up and hauled out the spare duvet and pillows while Patton went back to his own house to change and get ready for bed. He helped Patton settle in without too much fuss.

In the middle of the night, Logan was woken by a thunderclap. Remembering Patton, he rolled out of bed and shrugged on his dressing gown to see whether he was okay.

Patton had a blanket over his head, but by the way he was shivering he was obviously awake. 

Logan touched his shoulder. “Patton?”

Patton reached one hand out and grabbed Logan’s hand. “Mmph.”

Logan knelt on the low bed and eased the blanket down revealing Patton’s tousled head and eyes squeezed shut. “Patton, name five things you can see. Can you do this for me?”

Patton opened his eyes a crack. “You... I see you... and the TV, and the stars picture, and the bed, and the door.” The thunder rolled again and he closed his eyes and squeezed Logan’s hand.

“Four things you can touch, tell me four things you can touch.”

“Your hand... the blanket... my onesie… And…” Patton opened his eyes and stroked the bedsheets with his free hand. “Bedsheets.”

“Three things you can hear?”

“Your talking, thunder, and… you breathing,” Patton rattled off.

“Two things you can smell?”

“Clean sheets, and the toast from this evening.”

“And one thing you can taste?” Logan asked.

Patton licked his lips. “The minty stuff from my toothpaste.” His breathing had eased.

Logan lay down on top of the duvet next to him. “Would you like me to put some music on? Or Netflix?”

“Maybe you could put on Netflix but like on mute or really low?” Patton asked.

Logan grabbed the remote and put on season one of Sherlock on minimal volume. He hadn’t let go of his hand. Patton squeezed it involuntarily every time the thunder rolled over. “Why don’t you come under the covers?” Patton asked. “You must be cold. We can have a slumber party!”

Logan hesitated. But Patton had broken through so many of his barriers already—and it was cold. He wriggled around and under the covers, careful not to touch any part of Patton except to keep a hold of his hand.

They lay on the pillows, sleepily staring into each other’s eyes and listening to the quiet mesmerising theme music as the changing lights of the screen flicked over their faces. Patton was smiling. “The storm can’t get at us here,” he whispered. 

“Not with you to protect me.” Patton said.

There was no need for any more words. This was a special intimacy of a kind Logan hadn’t had for a very long time. He wished this warm fragile moment would last for all eternity, that there would never come an hour when he’d have to let go of Patton and get up for school. Patton looked at him like he could see things in him that not even Logan could see in himself. Like he was a person worth spending time with. Like he didn’t have to be alone. Like he didn’t have to change any part of himself to be enjoyable company. There was so much acceptance and happiness in Patton’s eyes, Logan wanted to protect him forever.

Eventually, Logan fell asleep. Patton soon found out that Logan was one of those people who unconsciously hogs the duvet in their sleep. When Logan rolled over, he took half the duvet with him.

Instead of tugging the duvet back, Patton smiled and scooted closer to Logan, spooning him to share the covers. Logan mumbled something incomprehensible, pulled Patton’s arm over him and drifted into an even deeper sleep.

In the morning, Logan woke up first—after having lovely dreams—to find himself wrapped in Patton. Part of him wanted to enjoy the comfort and contact forever, and part of him knew that he had to get up for work and it would be awkward for the rest of the day if Patton woke up and they stayed like that.

So Logan gently disentangled himself and got up to make coffee.

Patton woke up as soon as he left and groaned in disappointment. He rolled onto his stomach into the warm hollow of sleep Logan had left and tried to go back to sleep.

“Wake up sleepyhead! I have coffee!”

“Coffee?!” 

Logan had to laugh at Patton’s reaction: poking his head out from the covers, he looked like a tousled puppy anticipating a treat. 

It felt a little surreal to eat breakfast with another person. Logan had no energy for initiating conversation in the mornings but Patton was happy to fill in his silence with chat about how he expected the day to go at the daycare and funny anecdotes about the children he cared for. Patton’s cheerfulness was infectious, and when at last they both had to leave for work, Logan found himself in a more sociable, energised mood than he had had at that time of morning for years. Patton must be some kind of good angel, Logan decided, because his good mood carried through the whole day, energised his teaching, held the attention of his class better, and made everybody seem kinder and happier with him. Yes, Patton must have some secret magic that he had dusted Logan’s day with. Maybe even his whole week. Patton was someone worth holding on to.


	2. Spilling the tea over iced coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On an impromptu coffee date, is Logan ready to open up to Patton some more? 
> 
> You asked, so here is some more! I'm not sure how long this is going to be yet: I have some arcs planned so stay tuned!

Logan feared the good spell had broken when, a couple of afternoons later, he heard a piercing scream from Patton’s apartment. Blood running cold, Logan dashed across the hall. Before he could thunder on the door it was wrenched open from the inside by Patton. “Oh Logan thank goodness you’re here!” Before Logan could say a word, he’d grabbed Logan’s wrist and tugged him through the house to the bathroom.

He stopped on the threshold of the bathroom and pointed shakily to the shower. On the floor of the shower was one of the biggest spiders Logan had ever seen. He drew a sharp breath and stepped back.

“A creepy crawly death eater of—of death! Can you defeat it?” Patton pleaded.

Logan wished he could. He knew the phobia was irrational, but he’d never been able to logic his feelings on spiders away, no matter how hard he tried. It frustrated him, but the thought of all those long scuttling black legs on his body never failed to make him shudder to the core. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Aw don’t worry kiddo! I know exactly how you feel. We’ll just get Virgil!”

“Who’s Virgil?” Logan asked.

“The guy down the hall who lives opposite Roman! You know, purple hoodie. I think he has a pet tarantula.” Patton pulled a face and went out to find Virgil. Halfway down the hall he found Logan had disappeared. He shrugged. If he were Logan he probably wouldn’t want to talk about his phobias to a complete stranger either.

He knocked on Virgil’s door. After a good long time, Virgil opened it a crack, and seeing who it was, opened it wide. “Oh hey Virgil! How’s it going? Uh, listen kiddo, I have a problem.”

Virgil tensed. “How bad is it?”

“Oh don’t worry, nothing you can’t handle!” Patton looked around and lowered his voice. “There’s a spider in my bathroom.”

“Was that what the screaming was about?”

“Oh you heard that? Well yeah, kinda. Can you get rid of it for me?” Patton asked.

Virgil raised his eyebrows under his fringe. “What about the teacher dude? Can’t he help you out?”

Patton shook his head and grinned. “Nah. Turns out, he’s afraid of spiders too! I know right?”

Virgil shrugged. “Sure I’ll do it. Lead on.”

To Patton’s amazement and undying respect, Virgil was able to simply pick up the spider by one leg and throw it out of the window while he watched from a very safe distance atop a chair. “Aww, thanks Virgil!”

“Don’t mention it. And thanks, by the way.” 

“For what?”

“For breaking up Roman and Remus’s fight the other week. Remus is a di—demon sometimes. Roman’s not that bad.” Virgil said.

“Aw that’s okay bud. Roman sent me the sweetest sorry note afterwards. But it was Logan who was the real hero.”

“I was listening. He never would have come out but for you.”

“Aww, do you really think so?” Patton said. “He’s a hero.”

Virgil cracked a smile. “You’re probably right. Is that everything? Any more spiders?”

“I think we’re good now Virge! Thank you for defeating The Great Spider Threat!”

“You’re welcome.” Virgil flipped his hood up and went home.

 _Right, now to find Logan poor kiddo,_ Patton thought. Logan wasn’t at home, so Patton picked up his cardigan and wallet and went to the Starbucks just down the street. His hunch had been right; Logan was sitting morosely at a corner table with a coffee.

Patton waved enthusiastically to him and swerved by the counter. “Hey Remy!” He called to the barista.

“‘Sup gurl?” Remy drawled. “You gonna be joining cutsie Lolo over there?”

“Sure am. Can I have a pumpkin spice latte please? It’s Patton.”

“Sure thing,” Remy said and Patton went to join Logan.

“You okay kiddo? You mustn’t feel bad about being scared of spiders!”

“I know I mustn’t. Arachnophobia is unusually common in European societies and affects about four to six adults out of a hundred. It’s one of the most common phobias but that doesn’t take away the fact that it’s irrational and it stopped me doing something I wanted to do today.” Logan said.

“What did it stop you doing?” Patton asked.

“Helping you, of course.”

“Pumpkin spice latte for Patton?” Remy called. They were almost the only customers. Patton went to pick it up. “How’s your date?” Remy asked.

“We’re not... oh er... yeah good!” Patton said and practically ran back to their table.

“Soo... do you want to talk about the arachnophobia thing or be distracted by talking about something else?” Patton asked, blowing on his coffee.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Logan said gratefully.

“Well then! Tell me something about you. What do you like to do in your spare time?” Patton asked, wriggling further back into his chair and sipping his coffee.

Logan looked uncomfortable. “I’m um, I’m writing a book?”

“A book? That’s so cool! What about?”

“Oh just something I’m in to. You’ll probably find it boring.” Logan stirred his iced coffee with his straw.

Patton rubbed his hands together in excitement. “No really! Tell me!” 

“Quantum cryptography.”

“What’s that?” _Logan shouldn’t be feeling ashamed! Doesn’t he know how adorable he is when he gets all passionate about his interests?_

“Do you really want me to tell you?”

“Of course!”

“Well—you know that the internet is encrypted, right. You send an email, and your computer automatically encrypts it, and sends the cyphered message to the email recipient, lets say that was me. My computer decrypts the email automatically and then I get to read it.” Logan stopped to check that Patton was still interested.

“Really? So it’s like, if I sent you a letter saying that I’m gay but I wrote it in secret code so the straights wouldn’t know?”

“Yes exactly. Now the thing is, the computers use a special way of encrypting so that the key you use to encrypt is different to the key you use to decrypt. Got me?”

“What’s a key?”

“The key is a set of numbers that you use to encrypt your secret message. I won’t go into the details of how it works right now but if you want to learn so that we can send each other secret messages without the straights knowing, I’ll teach you some time.” Logan leaned forward to explain. “Anyway you have a _public_ key for encrypting which anybody can know, like a key to put a letter in the slit of your letterbox. And you have a different _private_ key to decrypt, like unlocking the letterbox and taking the letters out to read.”

“Can clever people find out my private decrypting key from knowing my public encrypting key, and use that to decrypt and read my messages?” Patton asked, desperate to understand and support Logan in his interest.

Logan smiled. “Good question. Not at present. It would take millions of years for a supercomputer to discover your decrypting key from your encryption key.”

“So our secret gay messages are safe then?” Patton asked.

“For now. A quantum computer that utilises quantum physics instead of simple computer theory could discover your decrypting key in seconds.”

“How?”

Logan grimaced. “Maybe I’ll save that explanation for another time because it involves maths and a bit of a grasp on what quantum theory is which is pretty mind bending.”

“Okay, you’re the chief,” Patton grinned. “But we’re safe because quantum computers don’t exist, right? Nobody can read our gay messages and bank details, right?”

“We are very close to discovering how to make one. Conspiracies have it that some of the top computer companies have already done it.”

Patton made an _Oh no!_ face.

“However, engineers and physicists are already coming up with solutions to encrypt information using quantum technology safely and forever. So... that’s what my book is about. Sorry if I bored you.”

“Logan... you’re just so intelligent and cool! That’s amazing, buddy!” Patton exclaimed sincerely. 

“Do you—do you actually think so? You’re not just saying?” Logan asked.

Patton nodded and grinned, and leaned over for a knuckle punch.

Logan returned it. “You’re actually the first person I’ve told,” he admitted.

That gave Patton a warm glow. “Wow really? That makes me feel really special. Thank you so much for sharing that with me, Logan.”

Logan relaxed into a smile.

“Really, it means a lot to be the first. It can take courage to open up but lots of people in the world could be genuinely interested in what you have to say, Logan!” 

Logan laughed mirthlessly. “Nah, I just bore people. I see how their eyes glaze over. Some of them even tell me how boring I am.” He sipped his iced coffee and nearly choked on it when he saw Patton’s face. “It’s okay, it’s no big deal! I’ve learned to live with it, and, you know, keep it to myself. No it’s not like that!” He exclaimed as Patton’s heartbroken expression only deepened with each word, “It’s not like I depend on their opinions for my self esteem or anything, I’m a confident adult. I don’t need outside validation to pursue my interests, it’s fine, I’m fine. Really Patton!”

“But it’s not fine,” Patton said with his big sad eyes. “It’s made you terrified to let anyone in or tell anyone about yourself!”

“Is is wrong to be cautious in social situations and adapt one’s behaviour to the needs of others?” Logan asked mildly.

“Well no—but—yes! You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re _alone,_ like no one wants to listen to you. They do!”

“Who does?” Logan challenged.

“Well— _me,_ and it’s easy to find people online who share the same interests. You could, I don’t know, start an online seminar for people who want to know more about your favourite topics!”

“Patton, you’re a genius.”

Patton beamed. That was a strong compliment coming from a genius. “I am?”

“How did you know I’ve been thinking of doing just that? I’ve had it in the back of my mind for a couple of years. But I don’t know. All my students mostly sleep through my classes. I just don’t know if I have the spark.”

“Sure you do, kiddo! Why don’t you—“ he put down his coffee and pointed playfully at Logan— “tell me some of your ideas and we can flesh them out together?”

“Are you sure? Don’t you—want to talk about something more interesting to you?”

“What could be more interesting than helping you?” Patton asked.

“Um... puppies?”

“I always want to talk about puppies, but this is better right now.”

“I’m better than puppies?” Logan asked incredulously.

Patton grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

“Well... if you’re sure... I was thinking about making a course on cyber security more generally. It’s of tremendous importance in this digital age...”

True to his word, Patton gave his whole mind and heart to the technical discourse that followed. Logan was hesitant at first, keeping it low key and checking whether Patton wanted to talk about something else. But as Patton kept reaffirming his interest, he was rewarded for his time and focus by Logan opening up and letting his true passion for the mysteries of encryption show. After a while, Patton could start to see the real appeal of the subject: the thrill of secrecy, the rebellious spirit of hiding not from hackers in darkened rooms but from mega corporations and dystopian targeted advertising, the race between codes being cracked and stronger codes being forged. 

But even without that, seeing Logan’s growing confidence in talking to him was happiness enough in itself, and Patton did not count the two hours wasted in the slightest.

“Is that the time? I ought to be getting back really, I have marking to do,” Logan said eventually. “I’m sorry if I bored you.”

“Not at _all_ kiddo!” Patton exclaimed. “It was fascinating!”

“Really?” Logan cracked a smile. “Well you’d be the first.” He held out his hand and Patton shook it.

“But I won’t be the last, I promise.” Patton said, holding firmly on to Logan’s hand. “Hey, we should swap numbers to keep in touch better!”

After they had swapped numbers and Logan had left, Patton checked his watch and looked up the local library’s opening hours. Still a good hour before closing time. He drove over to the library and went straight to the smiling librarian at the front desk. “Hey there! I wonder if you have any books about quantum physics or cyber security?” With the librarian’s help, he picked out and began to leaf through books with names such as _A beginners guide to Quantum Theory_ , and _The science of Cyber Secrecy_. If it was important to Logan then it was damn well going to be important to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seven hundred words to tell each other they're gay (well pan and homoromantic demisexual), 5k for Logan to work up the courage to tell Patton about cyber cryptography... ~~I'm totally not projecting my lonely nerdy heart onto Logan~~
> 
> I post updates about my writing and lots of Logicality stuff on my Tumblr @youremotionallystablefriend so you might want to check that out if you want the latest!
> 
> Your kudos and comments are so encouraging for my writing and they brighten my whole day so thank you so much for them 💙💙💙


	3. It's what people do when they walk together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan hates changing his habits and risking making a fool of himself, but for Patton, he'll do anything. Even cosplaying together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took longer than the others, life has become busy for me! I hope to keep consistently updating though. My hugest thanks to everyone who has left comments so far, I love you!

That evening, Patton sent a message to Logan right before going to sleep at 11 pm. 

_Good night sleep tight sweet dreams!! 😴🛌💭😁_

When Patton checked his phone the next morning, there was a reply.

_Good night Patton._

The time stamp was 2am. Logan went to bed far too late. 

Over the next two days, Patton kept sending goodnight messages at about eleven, and kept getting replies well after 1am. On Tuesday he decided to try to do something about it. He texted Logan,

_Goodnight! 😴😴_

_You should really go to bed 🛌_

_You need to get a good night’s sleep 💤🛌😴_

Logan was not online or replying. Probably had his phone on silent.

_You go to bed too late!_

_Logan_

_Logan_

_Loooooggaaaan_

_Go to bed_

_Logan_

_Argh well good night sweet dreams don’t let the bed bugs bite_

_Jk_

_But srsly go to sleep a bit earlier_

Patton went to sleep, frustrated. The next morning he found a reply from Logan, sent at around 3am.

_Thanks I know I should but I’m working_

_Working on the project we talked about remember? Takes a lot of work to build the course._

_And it’s fascinating_

_Fell asleep on my desk a few times_

_I’ll go to bed now._

Patton rolled his eyes and made a plan.

When he got home from work that evening he baked his special chocolate chip cookies. Flour and butter and sugar and chocolate chips and a dash of love. Miraculously he managed not to eat most of the cookie dough before they went in the oven.

At around ten o’clock, he piled a load of the warm cookies on a plate. He made up two mugs of hot cocoa and put them with the plate on a tray. Then he took the tray and went and knocked on Logan’s door.

He had to knock twice before Logan came. Logan wore a scowl of annoyance that immediately disappeared when he saw who it was. “Patton! What’s this?”

“I’ve come to see how your work is going!” Patton smiled, thrusting the tray at Logan.

“Well uh—come in then. See for yourself,” Logan said in surprise, automatically taking the tray and leading the way to his small office room.

Patton felt immediately that this room was the centre of Logan’s life. It was the most ornamented, messy, and lived in of the whole apartment that Patton had seen. The far wall was papered in dark blue starry night sky wallpaper. Against it was a big white desk piled high with books, hand written and typed papers, notebooks, two laptops, five empty mugs and a myriad of pens of different makes and styles. From somewhere, Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata was playing. The walls were covered in movie and book posters and diagrams and artwork. They were arranged edge to edge geometrically tessellating, but otherwise seemed to have no overall style or genre. Their very randomness seemed a style enough of its own. There was everything from Agatha Christie to Alice in Wonderland to Sherlock. Patton was charmed.

The only other furniture in the room apart from the desk and its big office chair was a massive bookcase stuffed with books and a couch and coffee table. Logan put the tray down on the table. “Is one of these for me?” he asked, picking up a mug of cocoa.

“Absolutely. You don’t think I could handle two muggings in one evening do you?” Patton said.

“It’s mugs, and yes I think you absolutely could handle two in one evening.”

“You’re right, I could,” Patton grinned. “But yes, one of those ugly mugs is for your pretty mug.”

“What?”

“You know, your mug! Like your face! But like, mug and mug—“

Logan groaned and sipped the cocoa. “Do you want to see what I’ve been working on?”

“Sure!”

Logan led the way over to the desk and pulled out a big notepad. “So I thought I’d start off the seminar module with teaching some practical ways to keep secure and lock up your information tighter, and then I’d move on to a brief history of data encryption and then get more technical with how it works...” he picked up a pen and gestured around a complicated map diagram as he explained the outline to Patton.

“That’s wonderful Logan, it really is. You’re a great teacher.”

Logan smiled like the sun had come out.

“But you need to eat some cookies and go to bed. It’s not healthy to be going to bed so late, kiddo,” Patton explained, holding out the plate to Logan. 

He took a cookie and sighed. “I know, you’re right. I just have this one track mind for projects, you know? When I have a project on, it’s hard to think about anything else.”

“You can’t let it get in the way of your health though.”

“No I know. A few years ago I researched and drew up a daily schedule for the optimum healthy lifestyle. When and how much to eat and drink, when to sleep, all that kind of thing.”

“And how did that go?” Patton asked.

“Six days is my record streak for keeping it up. It’s been slipping lately. You’re right.” Logan allowed Patton to lead him over to the couch and sit down.

“It’s halloween soon and I had a really cool idea,” Patton said. “Do you want to hear it?”

“Sure, go ahead.” He sipped his cocoa, wrapping his hands around the mug.

“Well on halloween at the daycare, everybody dresses up, even the carers. Especially the carers.”

“What are you going as?” Logan asked.

“I thought I’d go as Watson, John Watson.”

“Who’s going to be Sherlock?”

Patton gave Logan his biggest, most pleading grin and put his hands together as if in prayer.

“What?”

“Will you be Sherlock for me?” Patton asked shyly.

“Well—I—I mean—I hadn’t planned—“ 

Patton could see he’d caught Logan completely off guard. “You need to get out more! Give yourself a break, you know, for your mental health. Plus you get to meet all the cutie kids? They’ll love you!”

“Fiiiine!” Logan groaned with an exaggerated eye roll that did not at all cover up the fact that he was secretly pleased with the suggestion. “Purely in the interests of helping you with the kids, of course.”

“Of course!” Patton agreed. “It’s on Friday.”

Logan pulled out his phone and opened up his calendar. “I’ve only got one class to cover on Friday. That should be easy enough to rearrange.”

Patton correctly felt that someone as organised and focused as Logan being willing to rearrange his whole day’s schedule for the sake of Patton wanting to dress up must be… significant. “Thank you so much Logan. That means a lot to me.” He put his empty mug back on the tray and noticed that they had somehow between them finished all of the chocolate cookies.

“You’re welcome.”

“I should get going. Do you promise you’ll go straight to bed and not do any last bits of work?”

“Okay.”

“Pinky promise?” Patton offered his pinky finger.

Logan adjusted his glasses. “Do you still use pinky promises as a legitimate foundation of trust?”

“Of course!” Patton exclaimed, almost offended that Logan would even question the sacredness of The Pinky Promise.

Logan sighed and wrapped his pinky around Patton’s. “Pinky promise.”

“Yay! Now you get to bed, kiddo. And make sure you get a hat for Sherlock.” He got up to leave, and Logan stood up also. They stood there for a moment awkwardly, not knowing how to say goodbye.

Catching Logan by surprise, Patton put his hands on Logan’s shoulders and stood on tiptoes to peck him on the cheek. “Goodnight.” He grabbed the tray and in another instant he was gone, leaving Logan frozen on the rug in shock.

Friday came. Logan knocked on Patton’s door, outfitted in his longest coat, a blue scarf and a deerstalker. He had his favourite magnifying glass in his pocket. Patton opened the door immediately, wearing one of his old cardigans that was usually tied around his shoulders, a flat cap and a huge smile. “Logan! You look amazing buddy!” 

Logan relaxed into a smile. He loved Patton’s habit of radiating compliments with such sincerity. It was reassuring.

Patton grabbed his keys and a backpack from the hall table and together they went down to Patton’s car in the residents’ parking area. Logan could hardly keep up with his excited chatter. “And you’ll get to meet my coworkers, Thomas said he was coming as Spider-Man, and hopefully most of the kids will be dressed up, which means we won’t be doing any messy cooking or painting today, and—“ he kept up the happy commentary the whole way to the daycare centre. Although Logan couldn’t get a word in edgewise, Patton’s cheerfulness was infectious.

Watson burst through the swing doors with his self-conscious Sherlock in tow.

Spider-Man bounced up to them and took his mask off. “Hey Patton! And you must be Logan! I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Uh—you have?” Logan decided to cut Patton a break and pretend not to see his panicked shushing gestures at Thomas.

“Uh... yeah!” Thomas scrambled about for words. “From Remy. Emile’s boyfriend. He works at the coffee shop. He says he often sees you around!” 

Logan liked Thomas immediately. That was a good save, even if it was an obvious lie. But why would Patton want to talk about him? He never did anything worth talking about. Unless in a bad way? But surely Thomas wouldn’t be so enthusiastic about meeting him if they had heard bad things about him. “Nice to meet you too, Thomas. I have, um—“ he adjusted his glasses—“been looking forward to this.”

He had been swinging between looking forward to it and wondering why he had agreed to it at all. Because Patton. Because Patton.

“Anyway great to see ya, great to see ya. Let’s get you signed in with a visitor pass before all the kids turn up okay?”

It was tumultuous when the kids turned up. They were hyped to be in costumes, and the carers let them spend the first hour playing together. Patton was in his element playing with the children. Logan would have been happier watching his smiles from the sidelines, but as his partner in crime-solving, he was in great demand. The children were delighted to have someone to be able to show off to, and Logan copied Patton’s gentle style of admiration and affirmation as well as he could.

“Can I see your magnifying glass, Sherlock Holmes?” A little kid asked him.

“Sure.” Logan showed it to him. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Elliott. Hey, are you good at finding out things?”

“Uh, yes I suppose so?”

“We lost the fire engine, Sherlock Holmes. We need to find it. Can you help us?” The kid asked.

Patton came up behind them. “We lost the toy fire engine last week and we haven’t been able to find it,” he explained.

Logan spent the next hour hunting for the fire engine among the toy boxes with Elliott and Kai. He was glad when it was time for the kids to settle down to some drawing. Patton told them they could draw whatever they liked, and suggested it might be cool to draw their costumes, or their friends’ costumes. 

“When the children draw, we usually draw too. It encourages them and also it’s important to include ourselves in their activities,” he told Logan, sitting down at the low table and pulling paper and crayons towards him.

“Oh, I can’t draw,” Logan said.

“Fshh, if you can put a crayon to paper you can draw, kiddo! Don’t be scared! Who are you trying to impress?”

“You,” Logan said simply.

Patton opened his mouth and shut it again. “Uh, fair enough. But I don’t judge. And it would make me happy to see you try.”

Logan wanted to draw Patton more than anything, but he knew he would just embarrass himself because he hadn’t drawn since the age of eight, so instead he picked a biro and doodled a thunderstorm with huge roiling clouds and zigzag lightning over a black city skyline. The lightning didn’t look quite right and the perspective was a bit off, but he wasn’t as displeased at his picture as he thought he would be.

The child on his right leaned over to look at his picture. “That’s cool. But thunderstorms are scary,” she said.

“I like thunderstorms,” Logan said. “I can’t wait for the next one. What did you draw?”

The girl showed him her picture. It was two people holding hands. One was wearing a cardigan, and the other was holding something that might be a magnifying glass. “It’s you and Patton being Sherlock and Watson.”

“That’s beautiful! Why are they holding hands?” Logan asked.

“Because. It’s what people do when they walk together. When I walk with Mummy I hold her hand.”

“Oh I see. It’s a lovely picture.”

“It’s for you,” she said, pushing the picture towards him.

“Really, I… it’s yours though, I couldn’t…”

The girl flapped her hand at him. “Oh, I draw lots and lots. It’s for you.”

“Why I… thank you so much!” Logan took the offered picture, surprised and grateful.

The morning was active and cheerful but exhausting to Logan, unused as he was to the environment. He was glad when the staff lunch came. The carers took lunch in two shifts so that half of them were always watching over the children. Logan took lunch with Patton, Thomas and another carer called Emile. Emile was dressed as a genderbend Marceline the vampire from Adventure Time. Logan had not seen the show and had to have the benefits of cartoon watching carefully explained to him.

“Don’t you just love having the kind of job where you can sit down to lunch with Spiderman, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson?” Emile asked. “I mean I’m willing to take the pay cut if it means I can carry on doing stuff like this, honestly.”

“Why would you be taking a pay cut—if that isn’t too delicate a question?” Logan asked. “I mean you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“Oh it’s all right,” Thomas said. “This place has been losing money and we’re barely covering costs. Taking a pay cut is the only way to keep it afloat.”

“Surely it can’t be the only way,” Logan said.

“Well, we have been holding rather a lot of bake-sales,” Patton said with false brightness.

Logan sighed. “Our school was facing the same kind of problems a few years ago and trust me, bake sales are not going to cover it. If you like, I could have a look at some of the facts and figures for you and um, perhaps offer an outside perspective on possible business strategies?”

He hadn’t thought they would react as enthusiastically as they did. The carers jumped at his suggestion, revealing just how desperate the money situation was.

Emile pulled out a file and opened it up among the crumbs. “We actually pulled this file together about a month ago, for exactly this purpose. So here you can see our main monthly outgoings and income from last year… supplies, rent, staff payments…”

Logan pulled the file towards him and ran his eye over the master spreadsheet. He had played a big part in helping his own school get back on its feet and hoped he could apply that here. “Providing lunches seems to be a big drain. Have you considered asking them all to bring packed lunches?” He asked.

“Oh we couldn’t do that,” Patton said quickly, “it’s an extra hassle for the parents and some of them can’t afford it or their parents won’t or can’t do it. They depend on us for a good meal.”

“Besides, we’ve already swapped out our ingredients and dishes to the cheapest possible alternatives,” Thomas said.

“Hmm. Well when the alternative is to close entirely… I think there are several charities who help sponsor school lunches for those who can’t afford it. Have you considered that? It’s worth looking in to. It was a big help for us.”

“Are there really charities that do that?” Patton asked.

“I can give you the names of some of the ones we consulted when our school did the same.”

His offer was met with enthusiasm.

“Your main income is from the children’s fees. Do you get a lot of new children each year?” He asked.

“Not really,” said Thomas. “I mean we’d have to look at the enrolment statistics but as far as I know, hardly any. Mostly kids who were with us last year or their siblings or friends.”

“Our numbers have been declining over the years, that’s part of the problem,” Emile said.

Logan pressed his fingertips together, Sherlock Holmes style. “What’s your marketing campaign like?”

“Marketing campaign?” Patton asked uneasily.

Over the course of the conversation, Logan discovered that if there was one thing these lovely carers were not, it was businessmen. It was frustrating because there were so many things they could have done earlier to stop the daycare centre from getting to this point, but now it was almost too late—and even at this point they were resistant to many of the changes Logan proposed. He jotted them all down anyway and Patton made him promise to help further. Their session was cut short when lunch break was over.

The afternoon was fun but tiring. Logan got roped in to playing Baboon Dizzy, a marvellously simple game that involved the participants spinning around as fast as they could, and the last one left standing wins. Logan deeply regretted agreeing to it. He was not the last one standing.

At the end of the day he considered showing the picture the girl had given him to Patton, but he couldn’t bring himself to just yet. The picture had given him an idea, and he couldn’t get it out of his mind. It was stupid, it was going too fast, it would make things uncomfortable, it would take him places he might not want to go. But then again, it might be worth it. He was silent on the ride home, the thoughts chasing each other round and round until he asked Patton to put music on to distract himself.

As they got out of the car and were walking back to the apartments, Logan took the bag Patton was holding. He took a deep breath, and slipped his hand into Patton’s warm one. He could barely think through the fireworks of emotions and tried to focus on regulating his breathing. _He was holding hands with Patton he was holding hands with Patton he was holding—breathe. Deep breath. Breathe. Look at Patton. Is Patton okay with this?_

Patton was blushing deeply but smiling. He looked up at Logan with a questioning glance.

“It’s what people do when they walk together,” Logan explained. Patton just squeezed his hand and wouldn’t let go.


	4. Kiddos come first

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton has some decisions to make about how he spends his time... and his selflessness might just be his downfall.
> 
> That’s right guys, I finally got brave enough to write some _angst_ into this. I’m sorry it took a little longer than usual and it’s a bit shorter, life got busy! However I have been thinking about it a lot, never fear. Thank you so much for all your kudos and comments, your love has really blown me away and given me so much encouragement to keep writing.
> 
> If you want updates and hints and things about what’s going on with this story, check out my Tumblr @youremotionallystablefriend ! I post a lot of logicality stuff and updates on my writing there.

Patton and Logan held hands all the way to their front doors. Patton’s brain had melted into a tingling mess and the only real thing in the world was Logan’s touch. It was a rainbow on a cloudy day, a bright comet in the pollution-hazed sky. When at last they had to lingeringly part, Patton could hardly bear it.

“I’ll—I’ll see you tomorrow then…” Logan choked out. Patton could only nod.

The next day was Saturday. Contrary to his usual habits, he woke early, his first thought being that _Logan had held his hand!_ Logan had cosplayed with him! Logan… had said the daycare could be saved. The daycare. That could be Patton’s only priority right now. The kiddos always came first, and even Logan, the most wonderful person in the world, would have to wait.

After breakfast, Patton pulled out his laptop and all the files he had borrowed from the office and Logan’s notes on how to save the daycare and laid them out on the kitchen table. He opened up a new document and settled in for a long morning of work. He began to type up Logan’s notes and brainstorm his own.

His coffee cooled. He made lists of charity organisations who might help. The cookies on the plate next to him disappeared one by one.

Marketing strategy, to be built up from scratch. How to social media? They would have to coordinate a photoshoot or something. Patton got up to make another cup of coffee. Email Emile and see if he had any good ideas.

He was interrupted late in the morning by the doorbell. Knowing it must be Logan, he jumped up to get it.

It _was_ Logan, standing on the doormat with a bouquet of white and orange roses which he silently offered to Patton.

“Logan! These are beautiful, thank you so much!”

“Do you,” Logan asked, “Do you… want to come and have lunch with me out somewhere?”

Patton’s smile faltered. Logan wanted him to come on a date, their first date, and he couldn’t accept. The daycare had to come first, but would it hurt Logan’s feelings? Would he be being a bad friend? But he had to think of the children first, even if that meant heartbreak. “I—I’m so sorry Lo—but I have to work on helping the daycare out of being broke—I’m working on the sheets—and the marketing—and—“ he was struck by inspiration, “maybe... can you help with it? Your ideas were so helpful yesterday. We could have lunch here together?”

His heart twisted as, for a fraction of a second, bitter disappointment flashed across Logan’s face. But in another instant it was gone as if it had never been there. “Of course, Patton. You know I am always delighted to spend time with you, wherever we are.”

“Thank you so much kiddo!” Patton said, relieved. He led the way in and went to fetch a jug for the roses in the kitchen while Logan sat down at the table, adjusted his glasses, and began leafing through some of the notes that were strewn around.

“Oh Logan! Do you know anything about social media advertising? I have no idea where to start, it’s hopeless!”

“In that case I would suggest taking an online course in it to get a proper overview. There are some quite cheap and even free ones on the internet if you have a look.”

“That’s a great idea, kiddo! I’ve been brainstorming some ideas about how to save money, look, here’s what I got so far!” He shoved the printout over to Logan.

“Have you calculated how much you will save if you action these?” Logan asked.

“Good idea, I’ll do that next!”

Logan buried his face in his hands. “It’s like, the first thing you should have done right before any of this started.”

“It’s not too late!” Patton bustled about, heating up portions of homemade lasagna for them both. “You seen a bit out of sorts today kiddo?”

“I’m just hungry,” Logan snapped.

“No problemo, it’ll be five minutes. We’ll have a working lunch,” Patton said, laying knives and forks and putting the roses on the table. He crossed his fingers that the lunch and his company would make up for the disappointment about the date.

Over lunch Logan showed him how to estimate cost savings in Excel and they calculated that with all the savings plus the carers taking a pay cut, they would just about roughly break even, hopefully making more if more children came next year.

Logan fetched his laptop and they worked well into the afternoon through one cup of coffee and two of tea. His irritability wore off as he dived further in to the work, trying to find exact costs and cheaper alternatives, Patton eagerly following his lead. He desperately hoped that he was being good enough for Logan.

As Logan tapped away at his computer, Patton sipped his tea and stared absentmindedly at the roses. Logan never did anything without a reason. What did he mean by the flowers?

Angling his computer screen away from Logan, Patton searched up flower meanings. White roses: purity and innocence, something special and meaningful. And orange roses—passion, enthusiasm, budding romance. Patton blushed deeply and glanced at Logan, buried deep in his laptop. Was this how Logan felt? Inside, Patton melted into a complete gay mess. He was hardly able to function through the last hour, unable to make eye contact, the spreadsheet numbers muddling in front of his eyes, unable to see anything but the roses and Logan’s elegant fingers dancing over his keyboard.

At last Logan took his leave. As soon as he got home he collapsed into his black chair at his desk.

Patton had not wanted to come on a date with him. After everything.

Sighing from the bottom of his heart, Logan put the kettle on and brought out the special thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle from the top shelf. This jigsaw had stood by him faithfully through many anxious and upsetting moments of his life, from coming out to exam finals to job searching. He’d got it for his twelfth birthday on specific request, and it was a Jurassic Park poster puzzle.

Turn all the pieces picture side up. Find the corners. Make hot cocoa. Find the edge pieces and separate them from the rest. Why had Patton rejected his date offer? Try to match the edges to the corners. There were hundreds of edge pieces, all familiar to Logan in his fingers. There could be hundreds of reasons, not one of them to do with himself. _Be logical, Logan. Don’t let your feelings get in the way._

These pieces match. Snap them together. Patton had said himself that he was busy working on the daycare business. It was obvious he was. Another puzzle piece slotting in to place. But surely the daycare business could have been left be for an hour or two. There was no reason in the world why Patton couldn’t have left it for a while to be with Logan… the only logical conclusion was that Patton valued the daycare above spending time with Logan. The top edge of the jigsaw was taking shape. So what if Patton did? Logan was only… Logan, after all. Objectively the daycare was more important than their… relationship. Maybe the relationship wasn’t that important to Patton at all. 

The top edge complete, begin on the sides. Be logical, objective. Maybe Patton didn’t realise how important this was to Logan. Or maybe he did and was gently attempting to slow it down. Be _logical,_ there may be other conclusions! Maybe Patton didn’t realise it because quality time wasn’t his primary love language like it was for Logan. Perhaps he was overthinking this. Finish the bottom edge of the jigsaw, the frame complete. Or maybe Logan was just making excuses for Patton so as not to see the real truth… Patton had not wanted to go on a date with Logan. Don’t think about it, focus on making the dinosaur logo. Push the feelings away, they help nothing.

Groaning in frustration, Logan pushed away from the desk and went to cook supper. A sandwich toastie with tuna and cheese and tomato. He tasted nothing. Watched a movie for a couple of hours. Remembered none of it. Eventually he went back to the jigsaw because he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep until it was done.

Mindlessly he slotted the pieces together, trying not to think about Patton, until about halfway thorough he was interrupted by the buzz of his phone. It was a message from Patton.

_Doing anything this evening? 😃_

Logan hesitated. He shouldn’t ignore Patton. He couldn’t. Before he could overthink it again, he typed back, _I’m doing a jigsaw that I must finish before I sleep._

_Why  
Why must you finish it I mean_

With complete dignity Logan wrote back, _Because if I do not I dream of the disembodied limbs of the people on the jigsaw._

 _loooool 🤣  
you’re kidding right_ Patton replied.

_No I am not._

_Logan that’s horrifying._

_I know. So you see why I have to finish it._

There was a pause before Patton replied. _Sooo... do you want to come over and help me some more with the daycare stuff?_

Logan hesitated. Of course he wanted to spend time with Patton, especially if Patton initiated. But… did Patton only want him because he was useful to the daycare? He typed back, _Still at it? You deserve a rest. Why don’t you come over and help me finish the jigsaw?_

He held his breath for Patton to reply.

_I’d love to… but really, the daycare is the most important thing  
Can’t afford to be selfish and have self-time when they need me 😅_

Well that was that then. He wasn’t more important than the daycare. How could he have been so stupid as to think he was? 

He wasn’t able to bring himself to reply to Patton. He finished the jigsaw in miserable silence and went to bed.


	5. A party of embarrassed gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton is desperately upset at Logan... until his brother Janus visits and decides to take matters into his own yellow gloved hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic witch heard the loud pleas about the sadness and angst, a few whispered pleas for Janus and background Prinxiety, and one very loud plea for Logicality to JUST KISS ALREADY, and here’s what she stirred up in her magic cauldron for you...

_Doing anything this afternoon?_ Patton messaged Logan on Sunday.

 _Not really. Do you want to go out with me?_ Logan replied almost immediately.  
_Do you want to help me put a business plan together for the daycare? 💙_ Patton countered.

_The daycare must be very important to you._

_Yes it is 🤗_ Patton replied.

 _I’m afraid I can’t this afternoon_ Logan said, and went offline.

Patton slammed down the phone with more than usual force. This was the third time this weekend Logan had refused to come and help him with the daycare. Not that he was angry at Logan of course! He was Patton, he never got angry with anyone. It wasn’t nice to be angry at people. Made things unpleasant for everyone. But it was... _mildly annoying_ that Logan was refusing his invaluable help to something that was so important. Surely he understood how important the daycare was to him? It was almost... _selfish_ of Logan to refuse help like this. Not that he was calling Logan a bad person! But surely—Logan knew just how important the daycare work was, and yet he had just…said no!

Patton buried his head in his hands, but jumped up when the doorbell rang. _Please let it be Logan please let it be Logan please let it be Logan please..._ it was not Logan.

“Janus! Well this is unexpected!”

“Hardly unexpected, brother dear,” his brother Janus purred. “We arranged my visit about two weeks ago if you remember.”

“Oh—oh! Yes of course, right, yes,”

“I must say you don’t look terribly pleased to see me.” Janus said, coming in and wandering into Patton’s kitchen.

“Oh, I am! It’s just that I was also expecting someone else, that’s all. Shall I make coffee?” Patton said.

“Oh don’t worry yourself over caring about your dearest sibling who you haven’t seen for weeks and seem to have forgotten about entirely. I’ll make it,” Janus said cheerfully. He threw his coat at Patton who caught it, hung it neatly, and sat on the table while Janus made coffee.

“So brother dear, brother mine, who were you expecting? A date? Do tell.”

Patton shifted. “No-o, just Logan, a friend who I asked to come over and help me with some business stuff. He helped me out yesterday, but he keeps refusing to come and help and I don’t know why.”

“Perhaps he’s busy?” Janus suggested, pouring boiling water over the coffee.

“He’s not, I asked. I just don’t know why he wouldn’t want to help me. We’ve become good—friends, and I hope I didn’t say something wrong.”

“Oho, so that’s how it is! Is he cute? Is he gay? Did you kiss him yet?”

Patton flushed and crossed his arms. “Yes, yes, wait _no!_ Not at all! Of course not! I mean he is, I did, I mean he is gay but it’s not like that at all!” He floundered.

Janus put milk and sugar into Patton’s coffee just as he liked it and left his own black. “So it is like that then. Why would he want to come and help you? It sounds like a lot of hard work and you know, no-one wants to do hard work, least of all me… and look I even made you coffee, family ties really must run strong…”

“Thank you,” Patton said, gratefully accepting the coffee mug.

“But I mean, if he helped you already a lot he’s got no obligation to come again. It is your problem after all. And he might not be happy that you only want him to come and do work for him.”

“I supposed you’re right,” Patton said, staring at his coffee and contemplating. “But—“

“But enough about strangers, brother mine, let's talk about you. Or me! How’s the apartment suiting you? Was it a good recommendation of mine?” Janus asked.

“Yes, it’s a lovely place,” Patton said, knowing what question would come next.

“And how’s Roman doing?” Janus asked on cue.

“He’s got a boyfriend who hates your guts, Janey. No we cannot go and visit him.”

But of course, after a long chat, they did go and visit Roman. Janus and Roman had been business partners and great friends a few years back, and they still stayed in touch. Virgil was jealous of their long friendship, perhaps suspecting it had been something more, and he and Janus didn’t get along.

Roman was not alone in his apartment. He had two visitors, Virgil… and Logan, all sitting around on the sofas.

Patton found he couldn’t look at Logan. He was caught in a wave of upsetting feelings that he didn’t care to examine. He was okay, everything was okay, it wasn’t that big of a deal. His brother was here! It was Janus’s turn for attention for once. He wouldn’t be selfish.

“Janus! You wily old serpent, what a surprise! My, this is turning in to quite the party!” Roman took his arm from around Virgil to jump up and shake Janus‘s hand warmly. Virgil hissed. “Oh don’t mind my emo! He’s tired. Do you want some coffee?”

“Oh no thank you, thank you, I already had some at Patton’s.” He turned to Logan. “I don’t think I’ve met you before?”

“This is Logan, my neighbour, just popped round for a visit. Logan, this is Janus, my old friend and Patton’s brother,” Roman introduced them.

Logan shook hands. “So everyone’s connected? It’s a small world,” he smiled.

“Ah, there’s a reason for that. After hearing about how well the flats here worked for Roman, I recommended this place to Patton when he was house hunting in the area. So you’re Logan? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Shut up!” whispered Patton furiously, shoving his brother in the side. It was like they’d never grown out of the embarrassing-each-other-for-fun stage of brotherhood.

“You have?” Said Logan blankly. Patton cursed his stupid tongue as he remembered this was the second time in a week that Logan had heard that. Why oh why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut about how amazing Logan was?

Janus wasn’t nearly as courteous as Thomas. “You’re just as cute as Patton said you were.”

“Falsehood!” Said Logan, chuckling awkwardly.

“That’s a lie, I never said you were cute, I mean not that you aren’t cute because you are…” Patton sighed. “You know what, someone just dig me a great big hole in the ground that I can sleep in forever.”

“I’d be more than happy to do so,” Virgil said drily. “In fact I’ve got one spare you can borrow, since right now I’m about to use my main one to die in of second-hand embarrassment.” 

“My brother dear also said that he was upset you hadn’t come to see him,” Janus smirked, picking at his yellow gloves.

Roman cut in, “Alright, alright, save that for another time! This is meant to be a happy reunion of old friends and ought to be celebrated more joyously!”

“Alright then, you kiddos carry on, I’m uh, just gonna head back to sort some stuff out, so I’ll uh, just leave you to it!” Patton beamed, backing out the door.

“I’ll come with you,” Logan said, “I only popped around for a cup of tea.”

Patton’s heart dropped. He couldn’t deal with this, not while he was feeling bad. “No no no, it’s fine, I’m fine, no need, thank you anyway!” He said.

“No it’s fine. I’ll come with you,” Logan said firmly, and before Patton knew it Logan had whisked them out of the door amidst the good byes of the others. Patton really, really wished for that hole to open up for him. 

Logan led the way out onto the balcony at the end of their hall that separated the apartments. The balcony skirted the outside of the side of building, decorated with pots of ivy and guarded by iron railings. It overlooked the city from a great height. The wind was cold and the sky heavily clouded. 

With his back against the railing, out of sight of the hallway, Logan turned to Patton. “Patton… what’s going on?”

“I—I don’t know what you mean—“

“What’s going on between us? Something’s gone wrong, and I don’t read feelings very well. I want to talk it out. Like adults.”

“I don’t know—where do you want to start?” Patton asked in a small voice.

There was silence between them for a few moments.

“Since when… since when have I been of so little importance to you?” Logan said at last, in a strained voice. He tried to make it sound spontaneous, but it only sounded forced, as if he had been screaming it silently over and over in his head.

Patton took a step backwards, shocked.

“Or have I been mistaken all this time? Has this all never been that important? Perhaps I should apologise. I’ve obviously read too much into everything, placed too high importance on things never meant to be taken that way.”

Patton, dumbstruck, could only think at this moment how beautiful Logan looked, how byronic, the wind ruffling his dark hair.

“I’m sorry,” Logan said, anger mixing with sorrow.

“No, no!” Patton exclaimed, finding his voice. “You are important. How could you ever ever think that you’re not important to me?”

“Isn’t it obvious? The daycare.”

“The daycare?” Patton took another step back, as Logan took a step forward. The wind whipped around them.

“The daycare,” Logan repeated. “You’d rather spend every waking moment doing its business than one hour away from it, spending time with me.”

“Yes! No! You don’t understand!” Patton could step back no further. His back was against the wall of the building, Logan standing between him and the iron-winter sky. “I can explain!”

“Then explain,” said Logan, placing one hand against the wall above Patton’s shoulder.

“I hyperfixate,” Patton whispered, “and the daycare is more important…”

“More important than me?” Logan asked, taking Patton’s chin gently between his fingers and thumb. Patton gasped at the touch.

“More important than my own… selfish… desires…”

“More important than this?” Logan breathed. Tilting Patton’s chin up, he leaned down and kissed him on the lips, pressing hard against him, chastely yet with a ferocity that was barely kept in check.

The whole world went spinning away from Patton. He had craved this for so long… and it was happening. Logan… Logan, there was nothing in the world but Logan. When Logan finally wrenched himself back, Patton opened his eyes to see the other staring questioningly into his, flicking intimately between his eyes. As the question hung between them, Patton allowed himself a moment to observe every soft beautiful curve of Logan’s face. He reached up and gently took Logan’s glasses off, and his own. Then he pulled Logan down again into a kiss, unable to be apart for another second. Logan started and then leaned into it, his lips firm and against Patton’s, smelling of the coffee he had had earlier.

But then Logan pulled back, and the wintry air was between them once more. “What is this to you, Patton Hart? Something special? Or just… selfish desires?”

Patton leaned his forehead against Logan’s shoulder. “This is something… very special. But—are you—are you making me choose between you and the daycare?”

Logan folded his arms around Patton and pulled him into a warm embrace. “No, I’m not. I’m sorry. I overreacted. But you still need—“

He was interrupted by the voices of the others emerging from Roman’s flat down the hall. They were out of sight around the corner, but they still froze and gently pulled apart.

“I should go,” Patton said apologetically. “I need to be with my brother.”

Logan nodded, but just as Patton was about to leave he grabbed his shoulder. “Wait! One for the road,” he said, and leaned in to peck him on the lips. The kiss lasted several seconds longer than it should have done, Patton reluctant to ever leave Logan’s touch. But at last he had to pull away, fix his glasses, smooth down his hair, and go out to meet the others.


	6. Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass, Home of Sexual, Prince of Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is fluff! All the fluff you could possibly want! Love confessions! Patton good at something that Logan isn’t! Also warning: heated very intimate kissing! There’s a lot of kissing! And Coldplay’s Sky full of Stars is a good song to listen to as you read this! You’ll see why at the end! But yes, here, have kissing and fluff and first date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you had to wait a while. This is my belated birthday present to you all! Have a lovely January. Thank you so much for all of your sweet kudos and precious comments, I love you all so much! 💙

It seemed to take forever to get the guests away. So many last things to be said, opinions to be argued, last cups of tea to be drunk. Logan hung around in the hallway of his apartment, impatiently listening for the sound of Janus leaving, obsessively checking his hair, fidgeting with his tie. At last he went into his own kitchen to make coffee, just for something to do. He’d just put the kettle on when something large and heavy tackle jumped him from behind. Logan had spun around, disengaged the attacker’s arms from around himself and spectacularly decked them before he registered who it was.

He surveyed Patton now lying on his back on the kitchen floor, shocked and laughing. “Oh stars Patton, I am so sorry!”

“Logan! How on earth…” Patton was now giggling helplessly.

“Karate is a useful skill under some circumstances.” Logan adjusted his glasses and held his hand out to help Patton up. “Did I hurt you? Did you hit your head?”

Patton took Logan’s hand to help himself up. “Nah, it’s fine kiddo. My butt took most of the damage! Listen, I had an idea. How about you and I go out together to the indoor ice skating rink next weekend? Would you like that?”

“Oh Patton!” Logan picked Patton up and swung him around before setting him down and planting a kiss on his nose. “That sounds like an excellent idea!”

“Do that again!” Patton giggled.

“Do what?” Logan asked, looking into Patton’s eyes.

“Pick me up!”

Logan swept Patton up bridal style and his back immediately regretted it. Patton was no slip of a fairy, and would probably be better at picking Logan up though Logan was taller. “Oof, you’re heavy!”

“You’re not meant to say that, you’re meant to say I’m as light as your heart or some other cheesy romantic line.”

“You’re as big as my heart, figuratively speaking, and you’re huggable. Will that do?”

“That is ever so sweet!”

Logan carried Patton over to the couch and collapsed with him. Patton wriggled around so he was sitting on Logan’s lap with his knees on either side of Logan’s thighs.

“I have to say… that I am sorry Patton. It was selfish of me not to come and help more.”

“Oh Loganberry, you don’t need to be sorry! It was my fault too—it was selfish of me to expect that from you.” Patton said, both his hands on Logan’s shoulders and slowly sliding them up and down his chest.

“Were you angry at me?” Logan asked softly.

Patton laughed. “Of course not! How could I ever be angry at you Lolo?”

Logan smiled. If Patton said so—then they must be all good. And Patton was so warm against him. He clasped his hands around the small of Patton’s back and stared into Patton’s caramel brown eyes. “You’re so beautiful… what did I do to deserve you?” He asked.

“I can name all the wonderful brave smart things about you that you are,” Patton said.

“No don’t,” Logan whispered, his eyes dropping to Patton’s lips. “Just—“

Patton silenced him with a kiss on the lips. Logan closed his eyes—Patton was kissing him—and then he was kissing Patton, kissing him back with all his might, breathlessly, sliding his hands into Patton’s hair and up Patton’s back beneath his shirt, wanting, needing to hold Patton close, feel every part of him, fulfil that long-ignored pent up longing for touch, for love, for another human being.

Patton tugged off their glasses and flung them down on the sofa next to them. He twisted his hot hands through Logan’s hair and tugged at Logan’s tie, sliding his hands under Logan’s collar and around the soft skin of Logan’s neck and throat. Under the pressure of the kiss Patton’s lips parted Logan slipped his tongue between them. It was some time before either of them came up for breath.

“That was… good.” Logan said as they parted, panting.

Patton laughed, stroking Logan’s cheek. “That’s like saying Jupiter is big… understatement of the century!” He giggled.

They cuddled and talked for hours and hours. There was so much to find out about each other, so much to reveal, and everything had to be gone over three or four times in between the nuzzles and kisses just for the joy of it.

A week passed, feeling like a dream to Logan. Time stopped running normally for him: the hours he spent with Patton seemed only moments, and the minutes he spent alone or in class dragged on for hours. He spent them imagining their next date, ice-skating, and it was the easiest week his students had ever had.

The next Saturday Logan turned up extra early at the ice-skating rink. The truth was, he had never skated before and he was hoping to get the hang of it in the half hour before Patton came to join him. But after struggling miserably around the railing a few times, he concluded that he had severely underestimated the amount of time it would take to learn. What would Patton think of him?

At that moment, Patton himself stepped onto the ice in his own pair of skates, waving and yelling to Logan with all his cheerful might. Logan waved back but decided not to make a fool of himself by attempting to skate over to Patton, instead leaning casually back on the railing, concentrating hard on not letting his feet slide away from him. 

Patton glided over to him and Logan was star-struck. On the ice, Patton transformed… he could skate like a swan could fly. He was wearing a long light blue coat decorated with two rows of silver buttons down the front. 

“You look like an ice prince,” Logan informed him seriously, taking his face in both his gloved hands and kissing him on the lips. “Now, I have a confession to make.”

“What?” Patton grinned.

“I... cannot skate. Yet.” Logan said, adjusting his glasses.

“Aww Starlight, you can learn. I’ll teach you!” He tugged at Logan’s arm and Logan almost went flying, only saved by crashing into Patton who by a miracle of balance did not also come crashing down. “Oh gosh I’m so sorry! Here—“ he put his arm around Logan’s waist and held his hand. With Patton’s help, Logan tentatively left the railing and struck out.

“That’s it, one and two and one and two,” Patton said. Logan managed five steps before he lost his footing again, but this time Patton was holding him securely and he didn’t fall. “You’re doing great, you’re getting the hang of it!” Patton encouraged.

They did a couple of laps of the rink like that, Logan slowly finding it easier to stay on his feet. He wouldn’t let Patton let go of him however.

“Do you want a rest? Your legs must be aching.” Patton said after a little while. Logan was very glad, because although he stubbornly would not admit it, skating was using muscles he didn’t know he had and they were screaming for a break.

“Let’s visit the Slushie Bar,” he suggested. There was a soft drinks and slushies bar just off of the rink, done up in bright primary colours and cartoon pictures, catering to all ages. Patton and Logan took off their skates and sat on a couple of bar stools in a corner.

“Now we have to order slushies at the Slushie Bar. It’s traditional,” Patton declared. “I think I’ll have—“ he surveyed the menu— “ooh, blue!”

“Blue isn’t even a real flavour!” Logan said.

“Well, they have it here,” Patton said cheerfully.

“My mother always taught me, never eat blue food. It’s full of... artificial beetle juice and—things.” Logan said, adjusting his scarf. “I’ll have red.”

“Red’s just as unhealthy!” Patton grinned and went to order.

He brought back a red one and a blue one in two tall glasses. In the meantime, Logan had scooted his stool next to Patton’s, and they sat side by side slurping their slushies. 

Patton slurped his way too fast. “Ah ah ooh shoot! Oh shoot! ahh!” He squeaked, flapping his hands. Logan was instantly all over him in consternation. “Brain freeze!” Patton gasped.

“Oh dear. Now I should do it too so that you are not alone in your suffering.” Logan said and took a huge slurp of his icy drink. “Hah ah hooo aww ah ah ah shit!”

Patton facepalmed. “You are the stupidest smart person I have ever met, Loganberry.”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “I shall endeavour to take that as a compliment sweetheart.”

“Aaaaaaaaah Starlight Starlight Starlight!” Patton put his hands to his face is overwhelmed happiness, “Did you just call me sweetheart?”

“I did,” Logan sipped his slushie nonchalantly.

“Aaaah Loganberry come here!” Patton leaned over to him.

“Patton we’re in a public restaurant…” but it was too late and Patton’s mouth had closed openly over his. Logan returned the kiss unreluctantly, running his tongue over Patton’s blue stained teeth and lips while Patton tugged gently at his own red stained ones.

Patton did not keep the kiss long, mindful to the realities of kissing in public. He drew back smiling.

Logan licked his lips. “You are the first and only blue snack I shall ever consume,” he said, adjusting his tie.

Patton nearly fell off his chair in delighted giggles. “Aww Logan I am so proud of you! That is the sexiest dad joke you have ever made!”

Logan just looked smug. “Your lips and mouth are purple now.” he said.

“So are yours. It’s a good method of mixing slushies, I think.” Patton said.

“Not efficient, but effective,” Logan agreed.

“Let’s do it again?” Patton asked hopefully.

“Probably not the best idea Sweetheart. Let’s save it for when we get home.”

“I’m going to melt every time you call me that,” Patton said sincerely. He licked his lips clean and rubbed his hands together. “Say, do you think they serve hot food here? My hands are cold.”

Logan took Patton’s hands into his own and chafed them to warm them. “I think they do paninis? Shall I order you one?”

Patton nodded and Logan went and got him a toasted mozzarella and tomato sandwich. Patton wolfed it down. “I have to get my strength up because I’ve got a surprise for you,” he grinned at Logan between bites.

“A surprise?” Logan glanced over to the rink, where people were beginning to clear off the rink. “Is this place closing or something?”

“Yeah, it closes for private sessions at four o’clock. It’s ten to four now.” Patton said. Logan squinted at him questioningly, but Patton just giggled and made a zipping motion on his mouth, and wouldn’t say another word however much Logan begged.

Eventually, the ice rink was clear and Patton left the table. Logan followed him, but Patton told him to go to the side of the rink where there was some seating for people watching. He was alone, the sole audience, and Patton was nowhere to be seen.

The ice-rink lights dimmed, taking on a blue hue, and Sky full of Stars by Coldplay began playing. And there was Patton, crouching alone on the ice. His long blue coat was gone, in its place a simple light blue skating costume decorated with small sparkling snowflakes around the collar. As the music heightened, he rose… and began to skate. The skate was a dance. He smiled in ecstatic joy as he built up speed around the rink, almost flying, jumping from one leg to the other, then backwards, fast, down the length of the rink towards Logan, ending on a pirouette on the ice.

“Patton!” Logan cried involuntarily. Patton stretched his arms out to Logan and smiled. He was so beautiful, all his baby-bird awkwardness shed, now as graceful as a winter naiad, surrounded by an aura of magic and happiness, flying along the ice. I’m in love, Logan thought. It’s happened, I’m in love. Breathless, he followed Patton’s every move, mesmerised by his beauty. 

I’m gonna give you my heart… Patton seemed to take flight on the ice, performing moves that hardly looked possible with litheness and seeming ease.

The performance was over too soon. Patton turned to bow to him, panting and beaming. Logan jumped up and ran around to the entrance of the rink, and Patton skated hard to meet him. Logan practically crashed into Patton, wrapped his arms around him and kissed him on the lips. 

“Patton?” He asked, his lips inches from the other’s.

“Yes?” Patton’s breath ghosted over his lips and cheeks.

“I loved that. I love this. I love you!” It was the most impulsive thing Logan had ever said, and he did not regret a word. He meant all of it.

Patton almost burst into tears with happiness. “Aww Logan… I love you too Starlight!”

Logan pressed his forehead against Patton’s, rubbed their noses together in a bunny kiss. In that moment, the world was theirs, and it was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for all your love and lil hearts, it encourages me so much! 💙 Check out my Tumblr @youremotionallystablefriend for updates and stuff!


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